


Haze

by ImpassionedWriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Mojo, Cas is also a bit of a dick, Castiel Is So Done, Dean is clingy when he's drunk, I actually wrote something with angst, I like Mean!Cas, Love Confession, M/M, Not a bunch of fluff, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:27:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImpassionedWriter/pseuds/ImpassionedWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets clingy when he's drunk and the angel is through playing games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stir Up My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Dean and Castiel. On the outside it seems like a pretty simple thing to understand. If only those two knew that.

" _'You rock my world_.' No one ever says that anymore."

Castiel rolled his eyes and shifted his position on the couch; which was hard to do with Dean draped all over him. He was used to the hunter's drunken rants by now and quite frankly fed up with them. But what kind of friend would he be if he didn't put up with babbling with a speck of patience? Still, for some reason he was becoming increasingly frustrated with the other man's drinking habits.

He didn't like the subsequent closeness, he didn't like the constant talking, and he didn't like that Dean never remembered anything the following day; it was infuriating. He had given up long ago on trying to talk to Dean when he was like this. But, with all the begging and pleading, the least he could do was sit with him and endure the stream of rambling.

Dean pressed his cheek to the other man's shoulder and draped his arms around him, stroking the collar of the over sized tan trench-coat. Castiel sat stiffly and continued to stare straight ahead at the wall. "Have you ever had a girl tell you you rocked her world?" Dean asked, playing with the smooth fabric, pausing only a beat before answering his own question, "Of course not. Nobody says it anymore. ...Not that a girl would ever talk to you in the first place." The hunter caught the furrowing of the angel's brow and quickly continued, "Don't take it the wrong way. I mean you're pretty and all, but you're too damn cold all the time. If a girl came up to you you'd probably freeze her in place with those eyes of yours."

Castiel frowned slightly. It wasn't the first time Dean had brought up his ill-fated interactions with women; and it was no secret that he didn't get approached by them very often. But, it was the first time Dean had ever called him _cold_.

He didn't like it.

"But you can't help it. It's all that time you spent around guys like Michael and Zachariah. _...I_ can talk to you though. That's nice." Dean scooted closer and nuzzled his face further along Cas's shoulder until he came to his neck. Once there, he traced his nose across the pulse point, breathing in the angel's sweet scent.

Chills skittered across Castiel's skin at the tickle of warm breath. He frowned but remained perfectly still, not answering.

Dean breathed deeply against the soft skin and spoke lowly, his voice thick with alcohol, "Mmm... smell so good..." His arms found their way around Castiel's neck and Dean slowly moved his face up to his friend's thick black hair. He buried his face in the curled ribbons of hair and sighed. "...You really smell so good, Cas. Almost like a girl. But... different."

Castiel's frown deepened and he barely heard Dean say, "I like it."

It wasn't unusual for the hunter to get strangely clingy when he was intoxicated; especially on the nights, like tonight, when he was so hammered he couldn't even walk straight. But for some reason it set the angel on edge this time.

Dean's hands tousled Castiel's hair, playing with it and mussing it up. His eyes were closed and his voice was gravely when he murmured, "Has anyone ever told you they loved you?"

Castiel froze.

He thought back over the countless centuries of his life. Not once had the words ever been said to him. Never.

Why not? What was wrong with him that made him undeserving of that sentiment? Why had no one ever done that one simple thing?

He shook his head, disturbing Dean's affectionate snuggling. "Huh... Cas? What-?"

"No one has ever said that they loved me." The angel said, speaking more to himself than Dean.

The hunter dropped his arms and stared at Cas. "Why not?" He asked, with hooded but serious eyes.

"I do not know." Castiel faced Dean for the first time, "Can you tell me why?"

Dean's eyes were blank and he looked at Castiel with genuine surprise. "I have no idea." He was silent a moment before asking, "What if I said it?"

He lifted a hand to lightly touch Castiel's cheek and once again the angel felt an unexplainable irritation well up in his chest. He grabbed the other man's hand and pulled it away from his face. "It wouldn't mean anything if you did now." He ground out.

A rush of anger swept through him.

Anger at Dean and his drunken state. Angry at himself for being angry in the first place. And most of all, angry at the thought of Dean professing his love to Castiel.

Why?

Why indeed. Because he knew he didn't mean it? Maybe.

Dean was confused as he watched the emotions pass over Cas' face like stormy clouds.

Suddenly, the angel wanted nothing more than to take that unknown sentiment and throw it back in the hunter's face. It was something unfamiliar to him; foreign. And he didn't like it at all. _Why_ was he so furious of this man? _Why_ was he experiencing this uncertainty? _Why_ was he acting so mean?

He didn't know. He couldn't put a name to the primal reactions. There was no excuse known to him for why he abruptly pushed Dean down on the couch and leaned over him, bracing himself up with his hands.

Dean's eyes widened in shock and he tried to talk. "What-?"

Castiel cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. He looked deep into those sparkling green eyes and whispered, "Why? Why would you say it?" He didn't move his hand so Dean had to talk around it.

"Maybe it's because I love you." He smiled up at Cas through his fingers and the angel felt his heart flip. He glared down at Dean and removed his hand, sliding it down to the button on his jeans.

Dean was drunk. He was speaking out of his head. And in order to get to the truth, Cas had to call his bluff.

So he ignored the hunter's protests as he undid his pants and pulled down the zipper, slipping his hand in in one quick movement.

Dean gasped at the contact and his eyes closed, forehead creasing with a heavy frown. His breathing got louder as Castiel stroked him, bending down to lick at his mouth. Cas pressed a kiss to Dean's lips and parted them with his own. He slid his tongue inside and explored Dean's mouth thoroughly.

Dean's reciprocation caught him off guard. A long moan emanated from his throat as their tongues worked together, pushing against each other; not in dominance but as more of a dance. The angel's fingers slipped against Dean's hot skin, rubbing him beneath the denim. He broke the kiss but didn't stop his movements, all at once loving and resenting the way the hunter arched his body into the touch.

"Why are you letting me do this?" He asked, noting that his voice was huskier than he intended.

Dean's eyes fluttered open and he gazed adoringly up at Castiel. "Because I love you." He said breathlessly, reaching up and wrapping the angel in a tight hug.

Castiel grimaced. He couldn't reason with him like this. He wasn't being rational. What part of him ever said 'Okay, this is the way'?

Yes, Dean was reacting to him. He was hard and, although it was shameful to admit, they were both getting off on this.

Castiel continued his ardent attention, and Dean's moans became louder and more fervent. Right when he began thrusting his hips up into Castiel's hand desperately, Castiel reached up two fingers to the hunter's temple. He wanted Dean to be sober when he came. In a split second, his fingertips met Dean's skin and his head cleared of the alcohol induced haze.

Dean's eyes flew open, as did his mouth, and he caught Castiel's stare. The orgasm took him by surprise, tearing a cry from him and making his body convulse. He squeezed his eyes shut and panted heavily, riding it out.

When he had slowed his breathing and was only shaking slightly, muscles twitching in the after, he finally opened his eyes again. Castiel brought his hand up, licking Dean's taste from his fingers.

The hunter reluctantly lifted his eyes to Castiel's. His face carried the flush of shame and shadows of confusion and blame. Cas could see the disbelief in his face and, with a pang of regret, he knew Dean would never trust him again.

He smiled bitterly, cocked his head, and asked in a mocking tone, "Can you still say you love me now?"


	2. Lead Me Astray

It had been two weeks since Dean drank himself out of awareness and sobered up just in time to witness the one experience he would never forget; _Castiel_ jerking him off. Considering that Cas was on top of Dean and the hunter had come out of his stupor right then, the only obvious answer was that the angel had initiated and used his angel mojo to make him feel it right when he got off.

But... It was _Cas_. Cas-freaking _angel of the Lord-_ Castiel. Why would he purposefully take advantage of a drunken Dean? It didn't make sense.

The only other logical explanation was that _Dean_ seduced Cas into it and... he wanted him to enjoy it in his right mind? But why didn't he do that earlier?

Oh, who was he kidding... If Castiel had brought him out of it earlier, he would've stopped him.

Even though he had been shit-faced drunk, he remembered some of it. Castiel's scent... his touch... But why was he so rough? And what the hell was he pissed off about at the end?

_"Can you still say you love me now?"_

He had said that, and then just left; vanished with the sound of flight.

Can you still say you love me now... Had he said it before? Had it slipped out during... all of _that_? Maybe that's why Cas was so mad.

It was killing Dean not knowing. He had struggled so long to keep his growing feelings for the angel a secret. Had he screwed it all up now? It was too horrible to think that.

But... He hadn't seen Castiel since then. Not heard from him, or been visited by him. Although, honestly, he hadn't exactly been praying for him to show up either. It would be awkward when he did. Definitely.

But having it this way was no good either.

So, he found himself kneeling in his room, on the floor beside his bed exactly two weeks after that little 'incident'. He didn't know if Castiel would answer his call, or even if he wanted him to, but he closed his eyes anyway and started to pray. "Cas..." He said, so quietly he wasn't sure if it was even loud enough to be heard, "I, um, don't know if you're there, but if you are... uhh... I don't know, man. Just... I need to see you. I have something to say, you need to hear me out."

Before Dean opened his eyes, he could feel the angel's presence. He looked up at Castiel's questioning face and smiled sheepishly, "Hi."

Castiel tilted his head to one side and inquired, "Why are you on the floor?"

It was a bit unusual for Dean to be kneeling; most of the time when he sent up a prayer, he was sitting down or only closing his eyes for a second to mutter a few quick words.

Dean swallowed and dropped his eyes to the floor. He took a stuttering breath and said, "I'm really sorry for what happened. No, wait. That's not- I don't mean I'm sorry it _happened_. I _am_... but I'm not. It's..." He stopped and smacked his head. "Dammit! I had it all rehearsed." He hissed, not noticing Castiel's motions until the angel was on his knees facing him.

"Dean, I don't understand what you're saying."

The hunter sighed and tried again, "I- I'm not really sure what happened. But I'm sure I put you in an awkward situation. I didn't mean for you to find out that way... Just please don't hate me for it."

Castiel paled and his mouth hung open. "You... You what? I don't think I understand what you're saying." He repeated, seeming mildly alarmed at the unusual behavior.

Dean closed his eyes and dragged a hand down his face. "I'm saying that I love you... But I'll keep it to myself as long as you don't hold it against me."

There was no answer.

Dean opened his eyes expecting to find the angel gone. But Cas just peered at him with unbelieving eyes. "Are you sure you're not still drunk?" He said suddenly.

"What? No." Dean was taken aback.

"You seriously... expect me to believe that _you,_ Dean Winchester, are in love with me?"

"...Yeah."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it's improbable. After a lot of thought, I have come to the conclusion that I am a tool."

Dean lifted an eyebrow, "Okay then."

"I am a thing people use to get what they want. And after they are done with me, they put me away for the next time. But I am not a resource. I am not an easy mark. You can't have me and then be done with me. I will not be brushed aside so easily."

Dean scowled and after a few moments of tense silence he growled, "I am seriously trying not to punch you in the face."

It was Castiel's turn to darken and he waited for the other man to elaborate.

"You think you're a _resource_? I just told you I loved you and you think I'm using you?! _Son of a bitch!_ I would never do that, Cas! Especially not to you. I would never dream of hurting you. I love you with every bone in my body... So please take me seriously when I say it."

The angel was speechless, so Dean went on, trying to communicate his sincerity in every word that fell from his lips, "I'm not trying to take advantage of you. I won't throw you away; I would _never!_ I swear I love you- please... Please don't think you mean anything less to me than my own life. You are the most important person in the world to me. ...I can't live without you. So if me saying this is going to wreck everything we have, then just kill me now so I don't have to live without you. Because there's no way I can lose you and still go on. I... I can't do that."

Castiel watched the hunter's confession with a pained expression, still wavering on the edge of doubt.

How could it be that he meant so much to the other man? Mere moments before they were strictly on a just-friends basis and now... Now there were all manner of surprising admissions coming to the surface. How was he supposed to deal with them? How was Dean expecting him to react? What was he needed to do?

If only he knew the right things to say when the time really mattered. If only there was a handbook, some sort of guide on how to distinguish a person's true feelings and answer them properly.

Insides twisted in a jumbled knot, Cas stood up and took a step back from the hunter. Dean rose to his feet as well and waited for the ensuing response to his plea.

But Castiel's attention was directed inward. All this time, and he never knew what Dean's real feelings were. Could it be that they had the felt the same for one another all this time? Was that possible? And just how much belief could he put in Dean? That man used lies as a second language; maybe even his first.

So... what? What to do. What to say. What to believe. What to feel. What to think. So many questions and not a single answer lay buried in his mind; even the darkest corners lacked a reply. Without a sense of how he should act, Castiel shut his eyes firmly, locking out the world and searched deep within the confines, the recesses, of his mind. Racing back over a million years of defined logic and acquired knowledge, searching for some sort of an answer.

Until finally, he remembered something Michael had told him long long ago; even before Lucifer had been cast out and he'd turned into a straight-laced boy soldier.

_"No matter what, Castiel, you always have to listen to your heart. With Father gone, all we can do is try to follow the path He would lead and carry on in His footsteps. While He works on His newest creation, humanity, you have to make sure you and all others remain faithful. He will return to us, as He always does when He tires of distractions._ _So, it is up to you to keep everyone in line."_

_"But what of you, dear brother?"_

_"I... I must go and remind Lucifer of his worth yet again. *fond chuckle* It seems being loved is something he does not know how to handle."_

_"I... see."_

_"Castiel. I am leaving this in your hands. Do not let me regret my trust in you. And remember... We are all loved. And the only way you can live with it easily is to accept it. Open your heart and embrace it. Let it course through you like the warmth of your grace... But never let it control you. Once you have found the reason for your 'heart', you can wield that with pride. God never makes difficulties for his children without a purpose. Just remember these words and they will serve to lead you when the time comes. May God's grace be with you."_

...It had never made sense to Castiel before, the meaning behind his elder brother's words. Certainly, he had seen the agony in Michael's eyes and sensed the wrenching of his grace when he was charged with casting Lucifer out. He knew what 'heart' had meant among his brothers. And he knew that once he had found the source of his own yearning, it couldn't be denied.

Humans call it 'finding your soulmate'. Rejoining with the one God paired you to be with in Heaven before He sent you both out into the world to make your own way.

Cas always assumed he either didn't have one, or it was simply one of the others he had left behind in the ranks when he chose to ally with the Winchester brothers in their fight against Satan's ambitious designs on Earth. Now, it seemed that his giving up hope of ever finding that destined one was too hasty. He had never thought about it before but...

Could Dean Winchester be his 'heart'? The reason for his being, the mission to retrieve him from Hell when the seal had already been broken... Maybe God had had it all planned out from the very beginning. Perhaps there was more of a point to humanity than a fleeting distraction. What if they were created to exist alongside the angels? God's very own children given a cause for life besides operating as soldiers and guards.

Every soldier has a family. Every life has a destination, a fated 'heart' they couldn't live without. And Castiel was no different.

So, if Dean was meant to be his... Then what was he so confused about? It was simple, once he heeded his brother's advice and opened himself up to accept it.

Opening his eyes at last, Castiel saw Dean at once as the man he loved more than anything; his brothers, sisters, or Heaven itself. His grace glowed with a feeling he had never known before, making it harder to breathe. His vessel's heart sped up, and his skin felt on fire. Although he had heard it described by other angel's before, this was his first time experiencing the sensation of happiness. Belonging to someone. Desiring that person and loving them wholly.

He swept Dean into his arms with a precise movement and held him tightly but tenderly. The hunter caught his breath and stiffened, heart pounding in his ears at the unexpected action. Gradually, he relaxed and raised his arms to pull Castiel closer, burying his face in the angel's thick dark hair.

This was his answer. And it was nothing less than he'd ever dreamed.

Both men stood in silence, reveling in the newness of having someone other than family that loved them completely. It was a different experience than anything they had been through previously, and there was still so much more to discover.

And as fortune would have it, both hunter and angel's sights were soon called to the very convenient bed placed in the middle of the room that Dean had been kneeling at earlier. Only this time, they intended a much different purpose for it.

Though as it turned out, Dean spent at least 10 more minutes on his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic and experienced something that in its wildest dreams could only hope to be angsty feels.


End file.
